Or at least, I don't think I can.
I used to think I could. I believed in my writing capabilities so much that I wrote some of the worst poetry known to man. Or at least the sixth grade. and seventh grade too.
I'm pretty sure I destroyed that book or else I would indulge you with some bad poetry, but it wasn't even funny bad poetry, it was just bad, which isn't funny.
The funny thing is, I did win one poetry award in high school. I think it was like 3rd place or something, or maybe just an honorable mention. Either way it made it into the state poetry book that year. It was a poem about my inability to come up with any inspiration for a poem, and I had two awesome english teachers that helped me think through it until I had a solid enough piece to enter into the contest. Honestly I still hate that poem though. So I'm not going to share it either.
So I gave up trying to write anything deep and meaningful and decided to stick with what I was good at: limericks. Also comic strips. Those two were the only assignments that saved my grade in creative writing class. I will show you a limerick I wrote. Only because I can remember it.
There once was a handsome young quail,
Who applied for position at Yale,
His request was denied,
The quail was deep-fried,
And served with a sampling of snail.
Shut up quail you didn't even go to college.
We also had to keep a journal where we wrote at least one page every day. Looking back that would have been a great opportunity for me to practice my writing. I did follow the assignment, however I filled most pages with nonsense and no thoughts in particular just so I could finish my homework as quickly as possible. I just let my thoughts wander as much as they wanted. The result? A pretty worthless book of thoughts, but also a new found love for writing. Sure I didn't produce anything of meaning, but it was very therapeutic for me.
So what made me think I was a bad writer?
Well, I didn't pass the AP English Language and Composition test.
I had studied for it so much. So much that I neglected to study at all for my AP Biology test and had to give up trying to take the AP Calculus test (I still passed the Biology test so don't worry.) And then when I finally took it I felt like I had totally rocked it. Like there was no way I didn't pass it.
And then I got my scores back. I didn't pass. So I concluded: I only think I'm a good writer, when in reality other people don't understand what I'm trying to say. So I'm a bad writer.
So I had to take the freshman college english class. It was quite a challenge. Not because the class itself was difficult, but because this was the year I really experienced depression. Now that I wasn't in high school with a clear goal (that goal being get into a respectable college so that you can fit in with the rest of society and be successful) I suddenly had almost no motivation to go to a class full of people I didn't know, learning about stuff I had already learned (and I know there's always more to learn, but the depression was making me question what the point of learning more would be), having to walk to class through the middle of one of the harshest winters I'd ever experienced, while also being the sickest I had ever been in my life (physically ill, not just psychologically) and on top of that working about 25-30 hours a week (should have saved up more money for college) Basically I didn't want to go to class.
And so instead of thinking logically and laying out all the factors for why I was getting a bad grade in this freshman writing class, I determined that I must just simply be a bad writer. All the other writing classes and essays and poems I had written prior to this class were obsolete in my mind, because I decided this college class was superior to all other classes before it, just because it was a college class. That was silly. Grades do not determine how good you are at something. And actually, it doesn't even matter whether or not you're good at it, just that you're learning and improving.
The only way I get myself to write now is to treat it like I'm having a conversation with someone. I used to struggle with this a lot because I rely so much on the feedback people give me while I'm talking. Nobody's there to correct me if I say something dumb while writing. What if I say something dumb? (I sometimes do) What if it's not perfect? (it never is)
Anyway I've ranted about this for quite long enough, but if you ever feel like you can't write, I recommend writing about why you can't write.
So what made me think I was a bad writer?
Well, I didn't pass the AP English Language and Composition test.
I had studied for it so much. So much that I neglected to study at all for my AP Biology test and had to give up trying to take the AP Calculus test (I still passed the Biology test so don't worry.) And then when I finally took it I felt like I had totally rocked it. Like there was no way I didn't pass it.
And then I got my scores back. I didn't pass. So I concluded: I only think I'm a good writer, when in reality other people don't understand what I'm trying to say. So I'm a bad writer.
So I had to take the freshman college english class. It was quite a challenge. Not because the class itself was difficult, but because this was the year I really experienced depression. Now that I wasn't in high school with a clear goal (that goal being get into a respectable college so that you can fit in with the rest of society and be successful) I suddenly had almost no motivation to go to a class full of people I didn't know, learning about stuff I had already learned (and I know there's always more to learn, but the depression was making me question what the point of learning more would be), having to walk to class through the middle of one of the harshest winters I'd ever experienced, while also being the sickest I had ever been in my life (physically ill, not just psychologically) and on top of that working about 25-30 hours a week (should have saved up more money for college) Basically I didn't want to go to class.
And so instead of thinking logically and laying out all the factors for why I was getting a bad grade in this freshman writing class, I determined that I must just simply be a bad writer. All the other writing classes and essays and poems I had written prior to this class were obsolete in my mind, because I decided this college class was superior to all other classes before it, just because it was a college class. That was silly. Grades do not determine how good you are at something. And actually, it doesn't even matter whether or not you're good at it, just that you're learning and improving.
The only way I get myself to write now is to treat it like I'm having a conversation with someone. I used to struggle with this a lot because I rely so much on the feedback people give me while I'm talking. Nobody's there to correct me if I say something dumb while writing. What if I say something dumb? (I sometimes do) What if it's not perfect? (it never is)
Anyway I've ranted about this for quite long enough, but if you ever feel like you can't write, I recommend writing about why you can't write.
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